News from an alternate universe, coming soon to a planet near you:
In a surprising twist of events, Marvel Comics has accepted a $2.5 million grant from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation to support a cohort of the company's characters in the development of Common-Core aligned plots. Coincidentally, Marvel Comics simultaneously announced its new superhero, premiering in August, Captain Common Core. A spokeswoman for the company said that the decision to create the character was in no way clouded by Gates' generous grant.
Captain Common Core has the uncanny ability to find "grossly ineffective" teachers throughout the metropolis after analyzing reams of sub-par Common-Core test data in his secret laboratory in the trunk of a fallen tree. Firing poison seeds in the direction of ineffective teachers, Captain Common Core is judge, jury and executioner as he frees sobbing children from the arms of highly-paid teachers who have been corrupted by tenure. Whose classroom will he come to next? Maybe your's!