Sasquatch Scores Big on the 2014 Common Core

You may remember the Talking Pineapple from the 2013 Common-Core exams.  This year's Common-Core celebrity happens to be none other than Big Foot.  

Here is the question as it appeared on the exam:

"Which detail from the article best supports the claim that Big Foot exists?"

A. “The creature was enormous — at least seven feet tall —. . . and walked upright like a man.”

B. “Deep impressions of a hair-covered hip, elbow, heel, wrist and even buttocks were left in the mud.”
C. “One hair had unique primate (ape) characteristics.”
D. “Dr. Henner Fahrenback, a biomedical research scientist ­from Beaverton, Oregon. . . has labeled it ‘Sasquatch.’ ”

I have included some pictures to assist those who are primarily visual learners.  

Incorrect Answers:

A.  

Careful use of Common-Core math skills will show this creature to be only 83 inches.

B. 

The question states "even buttocks," quite clearly a plural noun.   A close reading of the diagram reveals only one "buttock" with two possible "butts," or more properly put, butti.

D. 

Dr. Henner Fahrenback

Dr. Henner Fahrenback, a "biomedical research scientist from Beaverton, Oregon" has never been properly aligned to the Common Core  (and neither have the beavers!)  Thus, he was never college and career ready (and neither were the beavers!)  One must naturally assume that he and his pack of beavers are all charlatans!

Correct Answer:

Thus, C is the only logical answer "because it's based on the best scientific evidence"!

Can you imagine releasing students into society if they cannot answer questions like these???  God save us all...