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Friday, March 6, 2015

A New Lottery Game from the Governor?

Our NYS Governor has relentless logic.  According to his 2015 State of the State Address: 

"38% of high schools students are college ready. 38%. 98.7% of high school teachers are rated effective. How can that be? How can 38% of the students be ready, but 98% of the teachers effective? 31% of third to eight graders are proficient in English, but 99% of the teachers are rated effective. 35% of third to eighth graders are proficient in math but 98% of the math teachers are rated effective. Who are we kidding, my friends? The problem is clear and the solution is clear. We need real, accurate, fair teacher evaluations."

Well, enter me.  I have an idea. 

Maybe teachers at your school already play the lottery.  Well, if you have two dollars and a dream to not be fired, here's a game for you.    

It is a simple, yet fair, plan to help the Governor make the results of the NYS teacher-evaluation system mesh better with his seemingly pre-determined, correct cut score for teacher retention rates.  It is a variation on the lottery game "Win for Life," entitled "Teach for One [More] Year of Life."  

The 98%+ teachers who have been deemed effective despite the abysmal state test scores will want to buy these lottery cards for a chance to teach for one more year of life.  Feel no guilt in gambling.  The proceeds from sales go directly to benefit education in NY State, including rental payments for charter schools.  This system will prove far more lucrative for the State than hiring the roaming outside observers proposed by Cuomo.

Buy as many of these cards as you can afford.  Teachers will be able to win an array of great prizes, including Pearson-brand test-prep materials and all-expense-paid trips to Albany via a bus chartered by the Success Academy.  They leave regularly.

If teachers win the big Teach-For-One-Year-Of-Life Prize, they will be able to sustain their effective rating for 365 more whole days.  Count them.  They are entitled to Teach for one more effective year of life.  Note: trillions of lotto cards have been printed.  Approximately, 35% are winners.  

Be creative.  Create a pool with your colleagues.  Win big and divide the spoils.  Twelve of you can now teach solidly for one whole month each.  That could mean as much as thirty-one blessed days!  Count them.

Buy now.  These lottery cards make great gifts for the teacher in your life who wishes to remain a teacher for one more year of life.  Supplies are limited.  Note:  Certain individuals and agencies who chose to remain anonymous have been buying them up in bulk.  

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