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Friday, March 14, 2014

Educators 4 Executions

In trying to find my voice as a teacher to effectively help improve education in the United States, I encountered E4E, a teacher-centered group advocating such things as merit pay, teacher evaluations based upon value-added measures and an end to LIFO (Last in First Out).  I was hooked. It soon became apparent to me, however, that this organization does not go nearly far enough. Keeping this in mind, I would like to unveil a new version of E4E, Educators 4 Execution.  You may become a member by promising to uphold the values stated in the declaration below.  Thanks for your time.  

We, as educators, believe that it is our duty to prepare our students for college, the workplace, and beyond.  We know there is no factor more important to student success than the quality of our instruction (sorry, we can't stay for more than three years), not even the quality of home life, the lack thereof or stinging poverty.  For that reason we need a system that allows, supports and encourages us to do the best we can for our students.

As educators, we demand a system that:

1.  Executes older teachers because if you've spent your lifetime in the classroom:

  • you must be whacked.
  • you're too expensive to employ.
  • you need to make room for cheap laborers such as myself.
  • you block my career path from teacher to a cushy reforming job.
  • your pension will cost the state money it can't afford.

2.  Restores professionalism to education by

  • executing teachers with low student test scores.
  • executing teachers who refuse to teach to a test.
  • introducing demerit pay so that the longer a teacher stays in the classroom, the less money the teacher will make. 
  • replaces LIFO (Last In First Out) with FIFE (First in First Executed)

3.  Places student achievement first by

  • giving officials more power to deal death penalties to schools.
  • publicly executing failing public school teachers.
  • Stocking classrooms with young, naive, coddled, egocentric whippersnappers who don't know enough to know how much they don't know.
    Written by Evan Stoned and Sydney Moreofit

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